A Muggleborn's Patronus
by Lady among the trees
Summary: When Remus thought about teaching the Patronus charm, he did not expect to find such strange creatures running inside his classroom. What in Merlin's name was a Pikachu? This is a Crack-ish fic. One-shot. All rules by JRK and Pottermore regarding Patronuses have been ignored for the sake of this Headcanon. I hope I have done the headcanon justice.


Disclaimer: Am I one of the most famous authors ever? Then, this does not belong to me.

A/N: The timelines of everything you recognise have been scrambled up to suit this one-shot.

Also note, everything JKR has told about the patronus and its possible forms have been ignored for the sake of this headcanon.

This is absolutely and totally AU. Might also feel like a Crack fic.

This one-shot has been betaed by HogwartsDreamer113.

Remus Lupin was enjoying his job. Sure, the school was surrounded by soul sucking demons 'for protection', his best friend who had murdered his other best friend and betrayed another best friend was now out hunting for the blood of his honorary nephew and was the reason for said 'protection', and every full moon he turned into a Werewolf, but his job was awesome. He always wanted to be a teacher, and he loved every minute of it. His best friends were right; this was the job meant for him.

Right now, it was the N.E.W.T. Hufflepuff - Ravenclaw class, and with those cloaked demons near the boundaries of the school, the Patronus charm seemed like a good idea. He had been teaching them this charm for a couple of days, and most of them had made tremendous progress. This was what he liked the most. Even the Slytherins were excited, even if they didn't show it. The students obediently took out their wands and stood two feet away from each other. Remus had already cast an extension charm to his classroom to make room for everyone.

"Expecto Patronum!" they all chanted with various faces. Some red-faced, some with eyes closed as they concentrated on their memory, and some looked like they would like to have words with their Patronus for its non-arrival. A few Patronuses had already manifested. There was a dog, a horse and an adorable baby seal. The owner of the seal was currently squealing over her Patronus. He smiled to himself, and noted the number of people he had to award points for their successful casting.

As the students who had cast the charm successfully made their way back to their seats with a pleased expression, he heard a Hufflepuff shout out. Remus turned towards him and saw a weird creature. It didn't look like any of the magical creatures he knew about, and some students, both Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw were looking at it in awe, while others looked confused. It was small and had a zigzag tail and two circles on its cheeks, one on either side. There were two lines across its back and its long ears were darker towards the end. Was that sparks coming out of its cheeks?

It looked up at its owner and exclaimed "Pika!" The students, irrespective of boys or girls, squealed and surrounded the creature and its owner. Remus heard a bit of their conversation. What in merlin's name was a Pikachu?

The little creature was the simplest of all the strange creatures he would see. The next creature was a bloody dragon. It was not any species he had read about. The sliver dragon looked like a Hungarian Horntail, but had crueller looking face with huge sharp teeth. There were small spikes surrounding its face, underbelly and its back.

It towered over its caster and the blonde Ravenclaw calmly commanded it.

"Dracarys."

The dragon reared its head and gave a huge burst of sliver misty fire. It didn't hurt anyone, but Remus was sure, it would cause some serious damage to the Dementors.

"Khalessi!" screamed a group of students, who had fallen on their knees and was bowing to the blonde raven. It was the same group of Muggleborns who had explained to Remus what the Pikachu creature was. The rest of the students looked on intrigued, their spells forgotten. The blonde laughed and explained for Remus's benefit about the dragon which was named 'Drogon', and a blonde queen from a Muggle book series. Remus smiled and awarded both Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff, ten points each for such impressive and intriguing Patronuses.

Who in the right mind paired Slytherin and Gryffindor for DADA classes? Remus mentally grumbled as he walked into the classroom after lunch to find two seventh years from the aforementioned houses dueling. After he broke up the duel and restored order, everyone started practicing their Patronus charms. A few normal animals and a few magical creatures, which he knew thankfully, were roaming about. He congratulated the casters and gave them points of getting it done.

The Slytherin who had dueled the Gryffindor had almost succeeded and Remus walked towards him when the student's Patronus burst out of his wand. Remus stood shocked, as he saw the huge human looking creature, wearing only torn trousers and had a huge muscular upper body. The thing was breathing heavily and was standing with its fists clenched. It saw a couple of tall dummies he had kept in the corner for spell demonstration.

"Hulk Smash!" it bellowed and ran towards the dummy with fists raised. The Muggleborns in the crowd were looking at the silvery Hulk trying to smash the dummy and at its caster with glee and excitement. When the Patronus faded, they pushed their way to the stunned Slytherin and pounded his back with congratulations, everyone talking at the same time.

"Did you see that …?"

"It was Hulk!"

"Bruce Banner!"

"Smashed those dummies…"

"Hulk Smash!"

"Incredible Hulk!"

"Is anyone planning for an Iron Man?"

"Hulk Smash!"

They went on and on, until realized they were being watched by the rest of their houses and broke up. Remus sighed and awarded Slytherin another ten points.

It was another two days when he saw the next unknown creature. It was one of the Gryffindor's this time. The last one, 'Hulk' was at least humanoid. This was looked like a wingless dragon. It was taller than the students, had a long, whip like tail and its hands were small compared to its body. Long talons covered the hands and its long jaw had sharp, wicked looking teeth. It leered at the students with its reptilian eye. The caster slowly stretched his arm and walked towards it.

"Jurassic Park!" screamed one of the girls, and the group of Muggleborns started humming a tune. The reptile looked at one of the Slytherin and snapped its jaws towards him. The Slytherin screamed and ran out of the classroom, followed by the rest of the class, except the Muggleborns. The boy in front calmly ordered the reptile creature to stand down and impressively, it obeyed. Remus knew the creature couldn't hurt him in any way, but he couldn't have this scary reptile running around the castle! This creature could seriously be the Dementors' worst nightmare.

"Mr Warren, what in the name of Godric's socks was that creature?" Remus asked the boy as the creature faded into a sliver mist. Few of the students ran out of the classroom to inform the rest that it was safe to come in.

"A Velociraptor," the student answered, "from the Jurassic Park. It's a pre-historic animal that is supposed to have lived around 70 million years ago. It was portrayed in the Muggle movies, and I was fascinated by them. An ingenious and powerful hunter, that one."

Remus absentmindedly awarded him points. Such creatures lived 75 MILLION years ago? He shuddered. As long as he wasn't the one the raptor creature was hunting, he would be fine. Maybe he should pay the Muggle museum a visit?

The raptor wasn't the last creature they saw. The class encountered a weird creature that looked like a marshmallow and a balloon mixed into one which announced that he was a personal health care companion, a young Cyclops called Tyson whose battle cry was "Peanut Butter!", while he tried to attack the dummies with a club, a genie from the tales of Aladdin, a huge serpent-dragon hybrid which the group happily called as their "spirit guide!", a small black dragon with a red cloth completing its half tail missing, called Toothless, and a small one eyed creature wearing a jumpsuit, gloves and transparent goggle over his single eye. It was apparently called, 'a minion'.

But the cake went to the Slytherin Muggleborn named Linda Carson, who cast the charm to find a humungous humanoid figure. It had the perfect eight-pack ripped body, pointed ears, long shaggy hair. It was also naked, but it didn't have body parts that could identify its gender. The scariest part of this being was its face. It didn't have any lips. Just two rows of teeth stretching from one ear to the other. It was standing with both arms raised and fists clenched, ready to punch the Dementors.

"A Titan!" Ms Linda squealed to the class. "My patronus is a freaking Eren Yeager, the Titan! Wait till my brother hears about this!" the only response she received was some cheers, some screams and a stampede to the door. Remus face palmed. Nevertheless, when these students master the charm in the presence of the Dementors, he was going to put them in the front and watch the Dementors run away in terror, instead of his students.

Ah, the thought of the Hulk creature screaming "Smash!" as it ran alongside the other animals was very satisfying. He didn't think the Dementors would attempt to come inside the grounds a second time, if they encountered these students.

A/N: Hey guys, I saw this headcanon and this story wouldn't leave me alone until I wrote it. I hope I did the headcanon justice and I hope you liked it... Which was your favourite? Mine is the Hulk and Eren Yeager. Do leave a review!


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